DAY 93 - THE FINAL CURTAIN

It has been a long road for me to get to full employment. I never thought in a million years that I would have been unemployed over 60 days, let alone 90. Maybe I was unrealistic or maybe I did not want to buy into the whole economy and unemployment issue going on in the world. I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions and had to really do a deep internal dive into my soul. It is easy to hide behind your job but once it is taken away, you need to do an exploration and question who you are without this role.

So I started out kidding myself about this layoff. I was angry that the company could let me go. How could they functions without me? Then as my former employer continued to exist without me and actually do well, I started wondering why I was let go and others were kept. Was I really a substandard employee who thought I was a power player? I went through low self esteem and got really blue. I started feeling that I had low worth and really was seen that way in the eyes of other. It didn't help that every position I applied for received no response on my application.

Then I decided to seek help with a support group. It made me realize that I was not really in bad shape when I looked around the table. I started getting the idea that if I gave to others, good things would maybe come my way. I began listening to self help tapes to show how I could tap into positive thoughts and karma. From there, my network that I actually did not realize I had started sending me great job leads. Before I knew it, opportunities were coming my way and I was getting some positive feedback. But with that, there was still disappointment when some opportunities I thought were a sure thing never seemed to materialize like I had envisioned.

It was a trying period wondering if I would ever get a position or a position that I would actually like and feel that I could thrive in. Having no income and still having to meet house payments, medical bills and prescriptions and honoring our commitments definitely kept me up at night. But guess what we survived ... and now are excited for the next stage of our life. What a ride it has been - but I am ready to get off and stabilize.

REALIZATIONS
* I was in denial from Day 1 - 30. I separated myself from the general other. I kidded myself to think that the rules did not apply to me.
* Once I realized that I was no better or worse than any other unemployed person, I began to do the work and ask for help
* Most companies suck at using their job boards effectively. I stopped applying months ago - because I am convinced that companies don't look at their candidate pool.
* This is a competitive advantage for me and my new company as I optimize our candidate pool and provide good candidate communication.
* I am going to continue to increase my network in Linked-In and Facebook and make sure I network with other companies. Peers from other companies were my strongest lead generators and references.
* Be kind and helpful to others as good karma will come back to you if your intentions are true
* Realize that the most important things in life is the family. They seemed to be the unchanging force in tough times
* Blog - it was really cathartic and helped me get my stuff out
* I had more followers on the blog that I realized - thank you so much for your support
* Finding humor in life keeps you going... I never take myself too seriously. I did manage to laugh (usually at myself) daily
* I realized that I had no idea how this was going to end - and actually made fun of this opportunity and almost did not take the interview. Little did I know this was actually the very best step I could do for my career and family. I feel like an ass about this point.
* I think this unemployment situation came to teach me a lesson. I was too comfortable, not growing, and really off on some of my opinions.
* I learned the candidate experience and that is a strong lesson from someone who provides talent acquisition services
* I realized that I committed to a blog that lasted way too long - but I stuck it out - yeah
* I realized that many people in this situation feel the same exact way and have experienced the same things I did - it was a good mechanism to help them not feel like they were crazy.
* Most of all - I have learned to be compassionate for anyone in this situation and have a new perspective on work, life and what is really important.

Thank you all for supporting me through this journey. It has been fun actually creating the blog and trying in a lame way to insert some humor. I hope you enjoyed my day to day stories and brought a smile to your face. Thanks for everything PEACE OUT!!

P.S. By the way, if you want to get in contact with me, I can be reached at risaborr@gmail.com.

DAY 92 - WHAT WILL I BE LIKE?

Now that I have the job, I am starting to think about the role, my new reports and what needs to be done from comments and observations. This is also a time where I reflect on the things that I did well and the areas not so good. How do I want to reinvent myself? I think when you have been with a company as long as I had.. you take for granted the acquired comfort level. I am now starting with a new company, new industry, new state and new culture. The style I had with my former company may not fly in this environment.

Over the years some of my skill sets evolved, I am much more efficient at project and time management, I know recruiting well (although this web 2.0 and beyond is a little scary), I know how to handle change management and how to influence earlier on.. But on the other hand, I was known for being very straight forward, painfully honest and as one my subordinates told me - needed to filter at times. I want to polish myself, grow up always be inspiring and mature in my interactions. Actually joining a new company really gives me a chance to reinvent myself. I just need to be clear what I want to be reinvented to!!! All and all, I am very excited to jump in and start working again.

ON THE ROAD AGAIN
Next weekend, I will be driving to Pennsylvania which is about an 8 hour trip. I am actually kind of nervous as I have never driven alone that long. It sound pathetic but true. I will be bringing all the essential things I need to be set up in temporary living.. even though that has not been nailed down yet. My husband has always taken care of me for these type of events. He is the driver, to him this is a piece of cake to jump into the car and go.. me not so much. First of all, I am retarded when in comes to geography and directions. I hope that my GPS serves me well or I could land in Texas without knowing it until it is too late. Next, I get bored in the car so I need to figure out what I want to listen to, so I don't just bag the idea in Ohio and fly the rest of the way. I am exploring Talking Books and maybe I could actually learn something along the way. Maybe I can learn the 7 Habits of Successful Leaders, How to Win, How to meditate (probably not a good one for driving) or listen to an interesting murder mystery. This could potentially make time go faster. Me, the Lincoln and all my crap in the back of the car. I hope I don't get carjacked.

CLEANING OUT THE HOUSE
This process has gone relatively smooth for us. I just need to tackle my bedroom and the basement (which is in good shape). I am so glad for my obsessive purging month's ago. The house looks great and packing up some of our unnecessary stuff is less emotional than I thought. We keep on talking about the new house - which by the way will solve all of our problems that the old house could not handle. We have this vision that there will be tons of storage, it will be a sunny house, cool kitchen, pool would be nice, 4 bedrooms for guests, office in basement for husband (he lost his first floor rights due to his sloppy behaviors but he does not know it yet - shhh), walk out basement, near a running trail, big backyard, bigger master bedroom. Let's see how we do. I find myself drawn to houses that look exactly like this one.

REALIZATION - I think it is always important to grow professionally and take stock of wins and areas needing improvement. Relying on the old stuff can only take you so far. I am going to really try to be a better me - kind and motivating to my employees, process and pragmatically oriented, influencer with less emotions (less hands flaying in the wind). I am going to rise above the noise, gossip and pettiness to achieve the greater good. I am going to see if I can create a world class recruiting organization again. Realization 2 - I am taking on a challenge by driving this on my own. It is not big in the scheme of things but knowing I can do these tasks without heavy dependence on others is important. Realization 3 - We will find a house they may in fact no have any of our wish list - but we will love it and look forward to the next chapter of our lives living in it.

DAY 91 - COMING TO THE END

Ok... so how do I gracefully ease out of this blog? I committed to it until I found gainful unemployment and guess what I did. I have officially crossed all pre employment hurdles and that means that I am off to Harrisburg next weekend to start chapter (too many to count) or my life. So we are going to head into the final countdown of this blog. It will come to an end on Friday with the last post DAY 93.

You can anxiously await my next project which is night night chat with Isabelle. I am going to start recording funny conversations that occur from my daughter when she should be sleeping. She always seems to have the weight of the world on her shoulders at the bewitching hour of 8:45p.m. when she should be fast asleep.

FORMS
Part of a new employees on boarding experience is the endless amount of forms that come your way. It would not be so bad but it always seems that each form asks for the same information in a different format. I think I have filled out 4 variations of direct deposit requests.

It is interesting to really pay attention to each detail of this experience because I am in fact going to be in charge of it. Any opportunities to streamline operations is now my charter. All and all, I have actually been impressed with CANDYLAND. I mean when I started the pre employment process I filled everything out on line. Now that I am further into it, I am filling in the paper version of the same thing. I guess I need to be thankful for low hanging fruit.

EAR PIERCINGS
I decided to cave in and let my daughter get her ears pierced. I was trying to hold out till age 10 but noticed that almost all the gals had them pierced. I also felt that she has been handling the impending move in very good spirits. Because of all these factors, we decided to let her get her ears pierced. It was so cute because she had that nervous excitement over the course of the last two days. She wanted to know how it felt, she consulted her girlfriends and of course she could not wait to wear dangling earrings.

During my many visits to various jewelry establishments, I saw a woman getting her ears pierced at this particular store. I thought this location would work out better than the dreaded visit to Claire's in the mall. Besides Isabelle's friend Lauren said that the girls at Claire's (small cheap trinket store) gets trained for only 30 minutes how to pierce ears. The man who works at this jewelry store, was the master piercer. He held this honor with high self esteem. Also he had instead street credibility because Lauren from school said that he pierces everyone's ear. How could you go wrong?

When it was time to pierce, the master piercer emerged from the salon style doors in the back of the store. He looked like Rob Schneider (Deuce Bigalow) with longer curly hair a lot of piercings and way too many Pandora braces. I mean I guess he believes in his product. He performed the piercing with ease and grace and he was done before Isabelle even knew what happened. What a pro.. I am not worthy...

POD UPDATE
The POD sits empty on our driveway as it heads into Day 3. It does however become a big hit for the kids. They are all playing in it like it is a big clubhouse. This personally freaks me out as I think my husband is being a little loose with the lock and key. I have this feeling that we go to load it tomorrow and when we unlock it, a small child that we do not know will come running out. It is kind of freaking me out - like how old refrigerators that have been discarded for the trash. Remember the stories of how dead children are found in them after an innocent game of hide and go seek gone wrong.

REALIZATION
I am really super excited now that I have passed the background check. I hope that I can make strong contributions to my new company. Realization 2- I am starting to dread the final post where I need to sum up this whole experience with a wise yet kitchy ending. Realization 3 - Savor those who enjoy and master their job. It may not be a position that solves cancer but this guy knew how to use a piercing gun and he took pride in what he did which made him excellent. Both holes were perfectly aligned and no tears were shed. Realization 4 - The POD needs to get filled and get off our driveway. I will make it a priority to finish this task up by Friday.

DAY 90 - STILL WAITING FOR BACKGROUND CHECK

I have been starting to tell people about my new position but still waiting for the results of the background check. I think they started processing it on Monday so I may not know for another couple of days. I feel like when that is completed, I can tell everyone with a sense of confidence and know when I drive down to PA they will be expecting me. I know I am sort of weird but always been a safety girl.

THE POD
As stated in my previous blog, we have been trying to get the house in order so we can put it on the market. I want our house to show nicely and we are making minor investments to clean up some loose ends. One thing we decided to do is to move out some extra stuff and decided to get a POD. It is a clever acronym for something like portable storage units (but that would be PSU - you get my drift). It is really cool how they deliver it and leave it in your driveway. It is very spacious and seems kind of conceivable that someone could definitely bunk in it like a small apartment. I suppose the whole bathroom, heat, electricity throws a curve ball. It is really convenient to take out the clutter of your house. It is amazing how much stuff a family acquires over the last 10 years. I do have to say that I had done a lot of purging so the majority of the junk comes from my hoarding husband's office.

It is funny how much curiosity the POD generates in the neighborhood. Everyone is coming out of the woodwork inquiring about the POD in the driveway. It seems like a good technique if you want to get to know your neighbors. I think people think it will sit in our driveway for years on end and bring down our already low property value.

HOMEWORK AGAIN
I somehow got roped into doing homework with my daughter which throws me into a tail spin. I am not sure why I become so unglued. Maybe it is because she does everything in a rush with tons of mistakes? Or she writes so hard that she can't erase her mistakes and then the printing looks like crap? Or maybe the attitude she gives me when I tell her if I was her teacher I would not accept this low quality work. That really pisses her off. How do you teach your kid, pride in work? I send her to a pricey school and I would like that she shows some promise of interest in her homework. Maybe I see myself in her and remember all my scamming days.. I don't know but I just don't like doing homework with her. I will do art projects, I will dance and do fitness, I will read with her but math and other homework makes me crazy...

REALIZATION
I need to help Candyland streamline their recruiting and onboarding process - it takes too long. I have been in this cycle for almost 2 months. But that is why they are hiring me so at least I can find some low hanging fruit. Realization 2 - The POD rocks and it is a great business idea. Nothing like having the storage unit delivered to you, load it and then send it off. Genius... Realization 3- I am not cut out for teaching my child - I think daddy will have to take the lead --- he seems much better at it then me.

DAY 89 - DEAD ANIMALS IN THE YARD

We have made a lot of progress with the house. It is really shaping up nicely and I am optimistic or at least hopeful that another family will fall in love with it like we did when we first moved in.

We have been working on the curb appeal by cleaning up the yard and planting flowers. So I was pleased to meet a couple with a young son who happens to be looking for a house. They are friends with our neighbors a few houses down. I took the opportunity to start the soft and persuasive sell. They want to live in our subdivision and it was my job for them to think our home was the one. Did I mention the incredible competition in our sub - unfortunately with many homes for sale? They had a young son who was getting anxious and wanted to play. I suggested they come over and play on our fabulous play set. I guess I should mention to you that we tricked out our background to be a kid haven of fun. So we went back to our place and there son was having a great time on the teeter tauter and climbing up the ladder of the swing set.

My daughter was in the backyard and decided to join our discussion. This couple actually knows her. She began providing vital information to kill the sale. First she mentioned how there are at least three dead animals in our backyard including a squirrel (which the kids have been flinging around the yard with a stick), a robin red breast and another dead squirrel. She kept on carrying on with her stories as I tried to hush her with mommy's evil looks. It was not working. When she began talking about the neighbors across the street who we hate and think are rude and obnoxious - I had to shut her down. I said "honey", our guests are interested in maybe buying our house - could you mention some of the positive stuff instead of focusing on the negative. She said "oh - I did not know." Great - I am sure damage was done - no problem honey!!!

I then try to save the whole conversation and I look at my neighbor's backyard grass. What would you know - it is long with dandelions and weeds everywhere. I guess the deck was stacked against me. Oh well, I will leave the selling to the realtor.

UPDATE
Today, I am in the grocery store and I see the family that was interested in buying the house. They stopped me all excited and said they were anxious to come over and see the rest of the house. Apparently, they were not scared off...

REALIZATION
I am feeling confident that everything is going to work out. Although, candyland just processed my background check so it will be a few days till I am officially off the nervous hook. Realization 2 - Maybe I should have gone into real estate ... nah just kidding... I think knowing that my house is going to have a nice family in it helps with our closure. I hope that the house sells soon... but then that is what I said about the job search...

DAY 88 - STAGING THE HOUSE

Hello, today I finally got enough courage to start getting the house into sale mode. I started in our gross kitchen. I was inspired after I realized that my blinds could actually be washed after about 7 years. I went through all the cupboards and organized our stuff (I want to give the impression that the house has good storage). I also washed the walls, took the stuff of the counter and removed all pictures from the refrigerator. I was impressed in the end of the day that the kitchen actually looked decent. That is if you are not into stainless steel appliances, granite counter tops or a walk in pantry.

Tomorrow we are going to tackle the lawn, flowers and ultimate curb appeal. We have a lot of work to do. I figured if I pick rooms each day, I will just make it before I leave for Harrisburg. It is a good process to come to terms with vacating the house.

We have been receiving a nice reaction about leaving. People generally seem sad that we are moving out of Michigan. We are also excited as the reception coming into PA has been so warm. It is a weird time as we are still half into Michigan and half in PA.

STAGING THE HOUSE
I want to see if the hundreds of hours of watching HGTV will pay off in my knowledge about staging. My husband thinks I am nuts but I am convinced that I am a designer brought in to get this house sold. I have visions of how to lay out the furniture, cover up little issues and find creative ways to use non personal artwork that was not worthy of making the walls before. It's kind of like a Design on a Time and Sell Your House episode.

UPDATE ON MY JOB STATUS
My references and drug screen came back fine and all the company is waiting for is my background check. I don't know why I am nervous. I just think what happens if someone stole my identity and did bad things. Maybe I was off on a date or two. I mean I can't actually remember the exact year I graduated from my Masters Program or the exact amount I was paid at a position 12 years ago. Let's just hope everything works out. I mean as far as I know, I am not a criminal, I did work where I said I did and I did attend and graduate college. I guess I am ok...

REALIZATION
My house is super cute - we fell in love with it when we saw it so there is no reason to believe that someone else will not have the same feelings - at least we hope. Realization 2 - HGTV makes everything seem easy and fast. It took me 7 hours doing unglamorous work and I still have 3 bedrooms, 2.5 baths, 1 office, 1 dinning room and 1 living room and 1 family room and 1 laundry room, 1 garage and a basement to go... oooh that is alot of days. Realization 3 - I am sure my background check is fine ---

DAY 88 - WHY AM I SO SORE?

I have moved into transition phase where I am thinking of household projects and how to stage the house nicely for sale. I don't want to do anything too drastic until I know that my background check is complete. I am weird about things like this. I also came to the realization that I will be starting work, if all goes alright in a week from Monday. I think I better try to push it back cause I am not sure I am going to get everything done. I was thinking that May 10 was in two weeks when it really is about 10 days.

MASSAGE
I went to get a massage because I joined Massage Envy, which is a monthly plan that offer inexpensive massages. I love it but some how have not kept up and have three massages to take. Listen I am not complaining because I love them. Any opportunity for someone to rub my back and feet - I am taking - no questions asked. I was especially looking forward to it today since I have been running alot and I think I hurt my ankle a little. I usually go to this great gal, but she broke her foot and will be off for another month. I went to a different masseuse thinking everything was fine since I like a ight touch and relaxing opposed to deep muscle. Well, she went to town on me. She was intrigued with my stress balls in my neck and some how leaving I feel very sore. Is that right? I wanted therapeutic and relaxing not car crash and paralysis.

THE KITCHEN
I am picking off one room at a time to get prepared for the sale. I am going to clean it up and stage it. I decided to start with the kitchen. The challenge is that this kitchen has 1967 cabinets and appliances. I thought I would capture the retro charm that is so in style now - or at least I tell myself that. Years ago, I bought window cell shades to allow the light to peek in and provides an airy feeling. I didn't realize how scummy they get from years of food splatter. For years, I have stared at these gross levelers. It occurred to me today, maybe I can clean them? I looked it up on the Internet and there were the directions to remove spots and grime. I went to my local K-Mart (hate this store) and picked up the cleaning products which was generally a white sponge and upholstery cleaner. I was so excited about my find that I tested it on one of the shades. It cleaned up beautifully. So basically I have settled for dirty blinds because I was too stupid to figure out how to clean them. I am gross and my house will look better as we move then when we lived in it = pretty pathetic.

Realization
I guess I should be happy that I can get massages - even a bad one is better than not having one at all. I think I will try someone else next time. I am finding myself doing a lot of head circles and hearing that crunchy noise. Realization two - I need to take better care of my next house but next time you can rest assure that I buy the proper window coverings.

DAY 87 - PEE IN THE CUP AND SHUT UP

As part of the background check process, I had to fill out a medical questionnaire and then go to a clinic for a drug test. The medical checklist felt weird because I have a sedentary job and knowing if I have hemorrhoids or constipation did not seem relevant. I felt strange wondering who was going to see this information. The company claims it goes to the medical department but you never know if your peers and subordinates will see this information. Nothing like losing immediate credibility if they know that you are incontinent. There was a space to fill out your height and weight. If I put down a model's weight, would they question me on it??? I guess you do what needs to be done to get the position.

The second part of the screen is to go for a drug test. There was a lab conveniently located near the house. I drove up to the building and thought, wow this is in a nice building. I went inside and the office was located in the basement. There were glass doors with normal businesses and then there was an ugly white door. It had the name of the lab but did not look like a door you were supposed to enter. It looked like it was to the broom closet. I tried to open the door and it felt locked. I then walked down the hall to see if I got the location wrong --- I did not. I went back to the maintenance door and opened it. It was in fact a waiting room - very uninviting.

I went up to the desk to be curtly greeted by a lab assistant who acted annoyed to be disturbed. She asked me if I had a form and I replied that I had a confirmation number. Before I could read it to her, she pulled the paper out of my hand and began to key it in the computer --- ok...

She then barked out an order for me to wash my hands - I did it. Then she told me to take the cup into the bathroom, fill it up 1/2 way with pee and not to flush the toilet. Yes maam.... I did not want to make her mad because she could mess with the results - if you know what I mean... As I was sitting on the toilet and filling up the cup, I wondered if people poop in there too? How embarrassing would that be since she did not want us to flush. She sort of deserved to flush a crap.

Once I was done, I came up with the sample and placed it on the wrong counter. Silly me for not wanting to parade pee in front of the reception of drug users on a specimen weekly check. She then, told me to wash my hands again - not sure why I had to do it again but I did. She made me initial the pee and be on my way. What a delightful experience? She was scary but I did not want to piss her off --no pun intended or was it.

Realization - I am sure the medical review is just a careful scan to ensure that everyone is physically and legally able to do their job. I am sure oompa loompas have a lifting restriction. Realization 2 - the lab assistant probably hates her job because all she does all day is to direct people to pee in a cup and gets sick of the stupid jokes we try to make to mask our embarrassment.

DAY 86 - REALITY SINKING IN

I got my offer packet today and reviewed all the information. I have to admit that I am excited. Now reality is sinking in... they want me to start on May 10th. I have been given a temporary living allowance and I am trying to perform miracles with this money. At least in my mind I thought this plan would work. I would stay in a dumpy efficiency and save my pennies. I would seek out the cheapest airfare and see the family every 2 weeks or so over the course of a month in a half. Now as I think about the reality of this plan - it already does not work -- chaching (that is the sound of money leaving my bank account). The first dilemma is that my daughter has her recital on Sunday, May 16 at 3:30 p.m. I just went out the week before. I approached the subject with her and then she got all weepy. Ok, the plan to skip the recital is down the drain. Then it is my birthday on May 21 - it seems kind of depressing to be alone on your birthday - alright - I can deal with this and stay in PA. Maybe I will get the forced mercy birthday celebration from new colleagues - awkward. Then I think the following week is labor or memorial day (that will be a long weekend - should be with the family). Then it is my brother in laws and soon to be sister in laws wedding - don't and can't miss that in mid June. I guess the story is that I have a lot of events coming up - yikes - too busy to work apparently.

LOCAL CONTACT
When we went down to check out PA as I told you, we hooked up with the head of the Jewish Community Center. He is a great guy that knows everyone. I wrote and told him that I would be coming down alone soon. I had been given two properties from the company to consider for temporary living in the area. He wrote back and gave me a name of a guy from the community that will rent me property for this purpose. I am supposed to call him. It feels really awkward -- I feel obligated to call and intrigued. What happens if this is just a vacant space that he has not been able to rent - or it sucks. I hope I did not get into something I can't get out of. I am sure it is fine - no I am not actually. It is weird how much trust I am putting in a man I barely know. Our only connection is that we are both Jewish....

REALIZATION - Plans in theory and plans in reality are two different things. Who am I kidding? I hate living in a dump and I have to see my family frequently. I don't want to miss Mother's Day, Recitals, Long Weekends and Weddings. I am going to make it work. So I don't eat.. I just bought a fancy dress for the wedding and a little less of me would probably work better. Realization 2 - I need to trust people as I am going to a new place. How bad can a fellow Jew steer another Jew? We will see... I am sure it is fine!! I mean he is taking a risk too - I could be a total psycho and he is laying his reputation on the line. The things we do for religion!!

DAY 85 - POST OFFER PROCESS

I have officially begun the post offer pre hire phase. This is the time where you have an offer contingent on background check, references and drug screen. I know I really don't have anything to worry about ... but I do... What happens that the one person they know who knows me doesn't like me? What happens if they change their mind .. cold feet? What happens if I was too much of a pain in the butt during negotiations? What happens if I ask too many questions? I am trying to balance my need to know and control everything with letting the process just move forward. I think I may just be crazy.. but I am only sharing it with my loyal followers.

Everyone has been coming up to me and congratulating me. It is hard to get too excited until all these checks are completed. I am cautiously happy but not moving forward on other activities that would in fact jinx the offer. I mean I should really be getting the house in order, buying some work clothing and saying my adieus... and I do nothing but the usual. I have always been superstitious and probably a little OCD too!!

My family has been super supportive and happy and yet sad that I am leaving. It is really nice that they are so proud of me. I find it funny that I am actually going to a smaller company doing the same role than my previous one. This company has a stronger name recognition so I guess it means something more to them. I sure hope I get a huge discount on chocolate cause everyone is hitting me up for some.

DOING HOMEWORK

I am writing this blog right now because my daughter has taken me over the edge. I have realized that I have no patience for homework and all the lame excuses she comes up with not to do it or drag it out. IT was a beautiful day today and she made an agreement with her dad that she would do her homework after her playdate and dance class... big mistake. Now she is whining that she is hot and tired and wants to do it in morning. Yet she does not want to wake up early to do it. After an episode with math homework which could totally be done in 5 minutes yet she managed to screw it up and it took over 20 minutes with a lot of mistakes... I lost it.. completely came unglued. I can't stand wasting time and shotty homework... I go nuts..... Thank goodness for some therapeutic blogging. Have I told all of you how much I appreciate teachers.. what an impossible job.

Realization - Therapy would be a good option for me. I have gotten so paranoid that the shoe is going to drop and spoil this opportunity - I even realize my mental illness. Realization 2 - I am not going to win mother of the year award tonight. I need to learn patience instead of freaking out on my daughter. Who is in control mommy or an eight year old? By the way as I am writing this, I was called into my bedroom because my daughter put two disks in the CD player and it sounded like the machine would blow up... this is my night... yikes.

DAY 84 - CANDYLAND IN GRASP

OFFER PROCESS

It is hard to believe but I got a verbal offer today - Day 84 (not counting weekends). I am really excited because it was a good one too!!! However, I have to stay cool cause I am not there yet. I still need to go through the background check and drug screen process. For some reason, I am nervous... why -- I don't do drugs (except I may have eaten a poppy seed bagel - isn't that always the excuse) and I have been very solid with my work history. But you never know... So I am happy but I am trying to stay calm until it is all complete, signed sealed and delivered.

I AM MOVING

The family is nervously excited about this opportunity but now we totally love our house. At least I do. I feel bad and am thinking will the next buyer be kind to the house? Will it be taken care of and appreciated? I am so weird... but there has been a lot of history in this home... It was our first place, we brought our puppies to this house, we brought our newborn daughter to this house, we bought real furniture for the house... wow ... sounds kind of pathetic as I write about it.

REALIZATION
I am close to the end of this journey and this blog (thank g-d - totally running out of material). It seems so strange how this is working out -- I would have never guessed this outcome but I am strangely happy and content. Realization 2 - My house will be fine and there will be a new house with new memories...

DAY 83 - STILL WAITING

Yes, I am still waiting for the offer and it seems like forever. I know that the company is working hard to get the information together and I am sure on their end - time is passing by quickly. I need to remember this time concept when I get back into recruiting - it is excruciating.

It was another day of not knowing what to do with myself. I just sort of hung out, ran, hung out, got my teeth whitened and hung out. I have lost all drive to be productive right now. I mean there is a million things I could do like read a good book, clean th house, volunteer or play with my daughter but I do none of those things. I just hang out... so lame... tick tock tick tock tick tock... oh I did do laundry and also watched my friend build me a bench in the front hall.


THIS AMERICAN LIFE

My friend Kelley told me almost a year ago about the podcast "This American Life" and how it was so good. She described it as unusual and also everyday stories told through the eyes of Ira Glass. For some reason I did nothing with this information until now. I gotta tell you that I am an American Life junky. I look forward to my run and hearing Ira Glass. Now you would say, who wants to hear from a guy named Ira - but I gotta tell you, I think I have the hots for him. He is so interesting and I love his voice. Is that wrong... a married woman who craves Ira? Anyways, I highly recommend listening to these podcasts. They last a little less than 1 hour and they are able to make interesting and uninteresting topics riveting.

REALIZATION - I just need to relax and let the offer process roll the way it is going to roll. I can't control it and therefore I just need to carry on and act normal. I mean this company wants to hire calm and cool interview me not psycho anxious waiting for an offer me. Realization 2 - My crush is harmless and helps me to stay in shape. Listening to podcasts is a lot more healthy than drugs, drinking and gambling .. I think I am ok??? Don't tell my husband.

Day 81 & 82 - TIME KEEPS TICKING

I have been really excited because the recruiter told me that I would be getting an offer from Candyland. I discussed my salary requirements and others needed so that I could have a more straight forward negotiations. I figured if there was a recruiter involved, I should use her to handle the haggling and that I could just have a nice conversation with my potential new boss.

The call was scheduled for Wednesday at 8:00 a.m. and I must admit I barely slept in anticipation. All my discussions about salary etc... have been very conceptual so I was not sure where Candyland was coming in at. I was also instructed by the recruiter to be able to discuss my request for a sign on bonus if the subject came up.

8:00 a.m. the phone rings and it is the boss and she is really friendly. We discuss Hershey's and how my visit went. I told her that we were all on board and would really like to be a part of the team. She then said to me that she would put the offer together and had the compensation vice president ready to assist her. Ah... I thought I was actually getting the offer during the phone call. Instead it was a discussion about getting the offer together. The wind pulled out of my sail. Ok, I need to save this...She said that she would try to have the offer completed by the end of the week or beginning of next. I know this does not seem like a big deal but when you are the one waiting it feels like eternity... So here I am waiting.... and waiting...

AIMLESS SHOPPING
I had a vision that yesterday was going to be about crunching the numbers, moving forward and accepting the position. Instead it turned into fielding calls from friends asking me if I got the job. It is so embarrassing because too many people know and I have no status to report. I decided to run some of my empty errands but it still was not helping. I went shopping and that did not help either. I mean I have no business shopping right now - so that whole internal dialogue was going on. I did run and that helped get my mind off of this limbo state.

TOO PLAN OR NOT TO PLAN - THAT IS THE QUESTION
So I am very superstitious and also fairly task oriented (obsessed with not wasting time). But I don't want to start prepping the house for a sale and packing yet, I am sitting here doing nothing. I am afraid to keep other opportunities alive or start new networking. Very weird place I am in. So.. I sit and wait and do nothing. I hope I am taken out of my self imposed misery soon.

REALIZATION

I told too many people about this opportunity and I have pressure to continue to report on the status. I should have kept my mouth closed until it was final. Realization 2 - Shopping should cease and desist and I should continue to network as they say - it ain't over till the fat lady sings...

DAY 78, 79 & 80 - BACK FROM CANDYLAND

Hello ... I am back and bet you have been waiting with anticipation (yeah right). Well I can say that the trip was great. I think I may become a candy girl. A little twist from industrial and aerospace.

It is funny how the second time around... you see things in a different way. When I visited candyland the first time around, it was a cold and rainy day. Everything looked small town and kind of touristy. This trip all I saw were hills, mountains, sun and nature.

I was greeted by a driver who took me to Hotel Candy. I was given the royal treatment starting with a huge bag of all the candy this company makes... oh boy there goes the diet. This hotel is gorgeous and played classical music in the hallways... it was a far different experience from the Candy Lodge the first time around.

I went downstairs as I was starving and thought - who cares if I am the weird girl eating alone in a nice restaurant. I tried to keep busy by reviewing my interview questions for the next day or read the paper. The table was really small and it was hard to do anything but stare off into space and wait for my food. A couple was seated next to me and I felt strange cause I was the third wheel on a shared booth space... I mean nothing is a bigger drag than going out for a fancy romantic meal with your spouse and there is someone sitting next to you alone. Anyways, I tried to give them space but they turned to me and introduced themselves. I began to talk to them and let them know that I was thinking of relocating. Next thing I know we are best friends and end the night with a card exchange. I now have a hair dresser and a place to take my daughter for dance lessons. It was amazing how friendly and open they were to me. This is not something I think would happen in my current city.

The next morning I woke up early to take a quick jog before my interview. I always feel like a run before a major event gets me in prime form. I decided to run outside and tackle some new terrain. I was feeling good about my time starting out but the second half really kicked my butt. Pennsylvania is very hilly and I found myself taking inclines and realizing that I was not in as good of shape as I thought I was... There was a point that I was literally walking up the hill and just panting like a wimp. I guess that is a good goal for my next level of fitness training.

The meetings at the company went smoothly and it was everything that I remembered it to be. But I was confused if I was still interviewing or if I had the job. There was major cryptic messaging going on between myself and the interviewers. Some of my meetings were for me to get more information about the area and others were interviews. I was so confused about my status at the end of the day. Generally everyone seemed to like me so I let it go.

My husband and daughter met me for day 2 where we were going to see the area. The morning started out with us visiting the Director of the Jewish Community Center. He was really nice and gave us a tour of the facility, showed us the synagogues and then gave us a quick drive through "where jews live." It sounds so funny but I imagine it happens with every culture. My daughter and I sat in the back of the mini van as he drove us up and down the hills. At first we pretended we were on a roller coaster and then it turned to car sickness. I don't know how kids don't barf sitting in a mini van when you really can't open the side windows --- can you say nightmare? I was so scared that we were going to vomit in this guys car.

My daughter and husband opted out of round two which was out with the realtor. She was super nice but really wanted to sell us the area near candyland. It was hard for me to articulate that we wanted to live near the jews. She could not imagine why we would want to do that... She showed me some properties and let's just say that I thought I lived in a dump. These houses needed a lot of work and one house had the scariest basement with creepy little rooms. We opened up one and it had a wheelchair in it. My mind started racing about what that room was used for. Did they keep the handicapable child in that room??? Freaky.. This did not seem like a happy house.

All and all - we had an excellent time and believe we would be up for the move. This area has a welcoming community, good cost of living and the job seems like an excellent opportunity.

Realization - We look at situations with our own blinders on. I was so negative about what I thought this company was about instead of having an open mind - if I had decided not to take the interview I would have missed out on my next career move. Realization 2 - I like to be wooed and courted and wanted... these extra touches really help to influence my decision and most of all my families. Realization 3 - I have come to appreciate the great home I have today and hope we can find another that we love as much as this one.

DAY 77 - GETTING READY

It takes a lot of preparation to get ready for an interview and now I have a rhythm down. First I do research using Hoovers (thanks to my outplacement group) and then I thoroughly check the company's website looking for opportunities where I could add value. I then go out to Linked In and check out my potential interviewers to get a sense of who they are and their interests. Like for instance, one of the gals I am interviewing with seems to follow the HR VP from one company to another so they are apparently tight. Good to know!!! I look for the morsels of truth to open up the connection quickly.

I then put together a packet of information on myself. I always think it is important to differentiate yourself from the pack. I include a nice resume, some examples of my work that is pertinent to the audience and the position, a skills matrix of my abilities and then a nice little PR puff piece that was done on me in the former job. I have this down to a science. This is not what I want to do as I am totally ready for a job and leaving all this needless work to show my worth to a company. Using my lean training, I have mastered the most efficient job and interview preparation process possible.

CANDYLAND PACKING
As I mentioned, the entire family is coming to see the area and this is so challenging to pack efficiently for various events. I have my interview stuff, my workout stuff, my play stuff, my daughter's play stuff, my daughter's look cute outfits if someone from my potential employer happens to see us and of course my husband's stuff. Not only does he pack his clothes but he brings a huge volume of reading material, ipod and computer stuff and therefore we look like the Beverly Hillbillies trudging through the airport.

I think the company is serious too because they are putting us up at the nice hotel. Last time I stayed at the Lodge which was disappointing. I now feel a little more important then I did hanging out with the conference dudes from my last visit.

Not sure if I will be able to write over the next few days so stay tuned and wish me luck... I am running out of things to write about. I never thought this blog would have gone on for 77 days... aaahh..

REALIZATION
I suppose it is good to have a process to get ready and interview effectively with companies. I seem to get a good reaction with my preparation and personalized folders. I have learned to be a great self marketer... Maybe I should think of a change in profession. Realization 2 - I guess it is better to look like a tourist and have everything that you need instead of packing light and forgetting your bathing suit. Wish us luck as we load our 3 bags plus a few more carry-ons a small plane for an extended weekend.

DAY 76 - BACK TO CANDYLAND

I will be returning to PA to meet some more people and look around the area with a Realtor and my local representative of the Jewish Community. It is starting to get serious. I have been forwarded the relocation policy and temporary living brochure. I am really going through mixed emotions now. I am obviously excited with this opportunity but sad that I have to leave Michigan. I am a sentimental person and I am going to miss my house. It wasn't a big house, or a perfect house but I was our home. So many memories both great and few not so great. I wonder if I will be able to love a house as much as I love this one? I guess you adjust... I guess you look for features that the old one lacked... I guess you upgrade to make yourself feel like it was worth the move.

I have also have found myself in observation mode alot recently. I mean if we go everything keeps moving forward here. Yes, there are a few people that are upset, but mostly everyone goes on with their daily routine if we are here or not... weird... It has been interesting too, the people who seem most effected are not the ones I would have expected. My close friends and family understand but it is nice when people express their true feelings that we will be missed. I wonder if we will be able to make deep and lasting relationships in PA? I hope my daughter can find those few best friends!! I hope this is the right move? My gut tells me yes and it is usually right. I will just follow my instincts and see if this comes together or not. With my track record, offers evaporate in an instance.

REALIZATION
This is really starting to get real and for the first time I will need to step out of my personal comfort zone and test the family on our agility. Realization 2 - I think everything will work out and I am being too sappy... but I love my little old house with the green shutters.

DAY 75 - TOO BUSY AGAIN

Today I met with an executive recruiter for a role as the Director, Talent Management with a major construction company. I am happy to report that I did not embarrass myself too bad.

I was greeted by him and told instantly that he had a hard stop at 2:30 which was 53 minutes from the time we started the discussion. I guess I never get recruiters that don't have time to interview the candidates. This is starting to be a pet peeve of mine. I mean if I was the employer paying about 30% of the candidate starting salary, I would expect my recruiter to really know the history and motivation of the candidate. I felt that this recruiter would not be able to represent me in any sort of detailed manner. Maybe my expectations are set too high - who knows.

OK so I said we had 53 minutes for the interview and I think 15 minutes revolved around HR geography. I always find this as the kiss of death. When we venture off the topic at hand and start talking about the who's who.

I knew we were running out of time so I went to my hard sales pitch about what I could do. I also tried to act smart by anticipating some of the problems this company may be experiencing. They had recently acquired a competitor. I started expounding on that fact that they probably needed assistance with bringing the two company cultures together and accessing talent. He then said to me, oh that purchase was only assets sale - none of the people were brought on board. OK, how embarrassing was that. I did my little soft shoe and moved to the next topic.

He finished by saying he liked my experience and background. He wanted to speak with me longer next week on the phone to fill me in on the company. I guess I passed the test. We will see...

TEACHING MY DAUGHTER HOW TO SKATE
My daughter has decided that she wants to learn how to roller skate. I am of course thrilled as it is great exercise and fun. I bought her skates, knee and arm pads to cushion any potential falls. For the last three days, I have spent approximately an hour each day spotting her from behind so she doesn't fall and paralyse herself (I am Jewish mother - what can I say). The problem is that I do not know how to teach her to glide on her skates. So we basically walk up and down on the street with her skates. I am stooped over her from behind to prevent falls. It is a real workout as my thighs are screaming for mercy... I hope she learns how to roll soon...

REALIZATION
I guess I should not worry about the depth of the interview from the executive recruiter. It is their job to sell us and they need to do that successfully to put food on the table. I am going to let it go... but it is annoying. Realization 2 - Having a leg workout while teaching my child a new skill is what you call "killing two birds with one stone." I will keep squatting knowing that I will be the proudest parent in the world when she glides down the street on her own.

DAY 74 - OH BOY

Tomorrow I am interviewing for a Talent Development and Management Director role for a major home building organization. So I started doing research on the company. One of the things I like to do is go through their website and analyse their career page and associated messaging. This is where I usually have a field day with great ideas or improvement opportunities. The problem here is that they have done an amazing job. The person who writes for their website really turned the speak into conversation. The company hits on all the major ideas such as culture, who fits in, diversity and inclusiveness and career progression. OK so you ask, what is the issue? I think that I may not be able to take them forward. It is very apparent that whoever held the role previously did a great job. Yikes... what am I going to say? This may be a humiliating experience. It is tough when you interview at companies that may in fact do it better than any company you have previously worked with. I guess I better get my tap shoes out and do my dance.

THE TOE
I am a shoe girl and love to keep in style with newest trends that are coming out. I also like to have cools shoes for the interview. I tend to go with a pointy pump as it elongates the ankle. I never understood the ladies who chose the sensible shoe and sacrificed style for comfort. I swore I would never become one of those gals. I have also realized that everything I told myself I would never do I have changed my tune and done. The only thing that I still cling to is that I will never drive a mini van.
Anyways, now I am noticing from all the running and tap dancing of my past, that my left big toe really refuses to bend at all. This is causing me problems in the shoe arena. I am also noticing that I can't keep my balance with high heels anymore. I keep on twisting to the side right off the heel. It has led to some humiliating experiencing. There was one time that I practically rolled down the stairs after flying a smaller business jet.

Now - my feet are starting to rebel against my shoes. I can't even slide my left foot in without excruciating pain. I need to take a stiff drink before I put the shoe on. I think I see a future of ugly shoes. I am so scared.

REALIZATION
If I think logically for a second - what company is total truthful on their website? It is usually aspirational and I will interview towards their future state mission. Realization 2 - I guess comfortable shoes are part of the journey as you get older - it is just inevitable. I suppose reading glasses are next for me. It is g-d's crazy joke on how to continue to make us women feel less attractive as we get older.

DAY 73 - REJOICE

Today I went to the funeral of my old family nanny Rachel. It was in Detroit and I was feeling a little blue that she had passed away. I asked myself if I had done enough for her over the years, should I have called more and really hoped she knew I loved her. I was very also concerned that she may not have had a lot of friends as she was older and had not been married or had kids. Boy, was I pleasantly surprised. The entire ceremony was about rejoicing, praising g-d and singing uplifting songs. It turns out that Rachel touched many many peoples lives. It was incredible for me to hear about her other life. Her involvement in her church and community. As a matter of fact, this funeral lasted over 2 hours as 1 hour was dedicated to people speaking about how special she was and how she touched their lives. My husband commented that this is the first time that he was sitting in a warm room for over 2 hours and did not fall asleep. All and all it really made me think about character and living a pure life. That is something Rachel did each and every day. It was a pleasant surprise and made me feel very honored to be such a part of her life.

SKIN SITUATION
I have an interview in two days and wouldn't you know I am a cyclopes again. It doesn't help when my husband fixates on my zit and cracks jokes about my third eye. I am once again on the aggressive skin care regime to get it off my face. I keep imagining the scene in Austin Powers when he fixates on the mole (spy) who had a mole or Uncle Buck and the principle with a growth on her face. I think he threw her a quarter to get that thing knawed off. I really need to take care of this one quick.

WHAT DO I DO WITH MYSELF?
For as long as I have been off of work, I still have not developed a schedule - which is my outplacement's kiss of death warning. I find myself questioning what I am going to do each and everyday. It starts out with me checking my e-mail and reviewing my searches overnight. Then I drift, I start looking at the gossip on line, review the sales of clothes I do not need, go to linked in and then facebook. Next thing I know I am off doing chores around the house, chatting with my husband, going for a run and then getting a diet coke. I really have no purpose and I am certainly not looking for a job in the manner that would exhibit success. This is really bad...

REALIZATION
I think Rachel's church has the right philosophy about turning sadness into thanks that the deceased were a part of our life and that now they can be one with g-d. It is a really comforting message and made me feel at peace when I left the church. It also made me want to continue to strive for honest living and intentions so I have no baggage when I meet my maker. Realization 2 - I should by stock in Proactiv (company that makes products for bad skin). I mean if it works for Jessica Simpson why not me? Realization 3 - I have always been unconventional and I just pray it works for me when it comes to finding employment.

DAY 72 - EMBARRASSING MOMENT

I have an interview on Friday for a local Organization and Development role. The company is the largest home builder in the U.S. I have heard mixed reviews on the company - but what the heck - I am a free agent. So today I am chatting with several neighbors about this interview. Yes, I am like the prom queen on our block now. We talk about the happenings on the street, my unemployment, our kids etc... As I said dipping into a new reality. When I worked, I spoke to noone with the exception of a quick hello. Getting back to the story, I commented on this company and one neighbor informed me that I actually live in a house made by this organization. Here I am putting the company down for their cheap homes and I live in one. How embarrassing - I am a real ass. What else is new?

Blane is back
Remember Blane, the recruiter I thought was scamming me. He is back!!! He called me last week and wanted me to return his call. I wrote him an e-mail to clarify his angle. I asked him to verify how and who pays him when he makes a placement. I told him I was thrown off with his report which he charges $200 for - it just seems suspicous. He confirmed that he was either a retained or contingent recruiter based on the company's preference. He gets paid by the client company. Ok, as long as I won't receive a bill, I was alright with talking to him. He is in California so he seems to always call me at night and I always miss his call. He indicated that he was taking the week off for Spring Break with his family. I wrote him and told him to have a nice vacation and I would speak with him in a week or so. But I see again tonight, he has called again after hours. I really have a strange relationship with this guy as I have not been presented to any company with him. It is like he wants to chat... strange.

FEMALE BONDING
My daughter who is 8 has been off of school for about a one week and a half. It is kind of dumb to me but being in a Jewish Day School - they honor Passover. This holiday goes on for 8 days. But frankly, I don't know anyone that does more than 2 days of it. I say take your Matzah to go and let's get back to school.

She was having a rough morning (can I say an 8 year old was having PMS like symptoms). So I thought it would be fun to catch a movie. The day was kind of rainy. We both wanted to see the new Miley Cyrus movie. I have to admit that I am a fan. I have her song, Party in the USA on my ipod. (Just to clear a fact up - I did not like it initially when she did that stripper pole thing at the Grammys or American Music Awards or Kids Choice - it sort of grew on me later). It was really a cute movie - young love, beaches, deciding what college to go to etc.. And then it takes a sad twist in the last 30 minutes of the movie. So much for light fun.. Let's just say that it has the same twist as Dumbo, Lion King, Bambi (hint parent exits) aaah.

REALIZATION
I am an idiot with my first thoughts about companies. I don't know what the hell I am talking about until I do major research. I have been wrong everytime I think. Realization 2 - I am going to let Blane enjoy his vacation and deal with him next week. Realization 3 - I should have probably read a preview of the movie before taking my emotionally fragile child who actually was not as affected as much as mommy - who moistened with her tears about three napkins and let out a grunt of despair that totally embarassed her child.

DAY 71 - SPRING BREAK

I was busy today with errands and enjoying the nice weather. It occurred to me at about 3:00 that I have not really done anything with the job search. It is like I am getting used to not working. I have created a new routine and it just seems since forever that I actually went to work. Wow... I am morphing into a suburbia housewife. I even forgot for awhile. Scary....

RUSSIAN ROULETTE
The calls have slowed down in the last two weeks and I am not sure if it is because of the holidays and spring break or if I am not keeping my karma open for new opportunities. It is like I am so laser focused on this particular job that I have taken myself off of the market in a way. I am really playing Russian Roulette because this opportunity can dry up so fast that I will be left with a fresh search - which honestly I am not thrilled to start again. I am getting so bored reading, hearing etc.. about new opportunities. They all sound the same and I just want this part to be over.

THE HOUSE
As we are thinking about a potential move, we are starting to look at our house in a different way. It does not help that I obsessively watch HGTV. There is a show that is on a majority of the time that deals with staging for a home sale. I am appalled with some of the homes on this show. However, when you take off the rose colored glasses, you start noticing your home is a dump too. We have cracked paint, holes in our ceiling, drawers that are falling apart in the kitchen and I am sure I carpet is a nightmare due to our old dogs who took many liberties in our home. It is really a daunting task.

PUTTING THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE
When I was growing up, we had a housekeeper named Rachel. She was from Detroit and we became fast friends. She practically raised me and also introduced me to some very important matters such as soap operas, how to avoid loser guys and the penny slot machines. She was a part of the family and a huge influence on me as I grew up. Last week she passed away after having a stroke outside the casino. I will really miss her but I was glad she went out doing what she loved.

REALIZATION

Deep in my heart I know this is going to work out and I will be employed soon. I do have minor freak outs but I am feeling much more settled recently. I just hope my intuition is correct. Realization 2 - It is important to focus on the important things like family, friends and enjoying each day of life. This unemployment is a minor blip on my life. Having meaningful relationships that help you grow and be connected is the most important thing. Rachel was one of my anchors and I appreciated her. I hope she is having fun at the big casino in heaven... peace and love.

DAY 70 - THINGS ARE FINE

Ignore yesterday's ranting and raving, everything is fine in Candyland. I received a call from the executive recruiter and the issue for next week was a mere Spring Break/Vacation thing. Apparently some of the folks they want me to meet are out on vacation. Phew....

CONEY ISLAND LOOK ALIKES
My husband, daughter and I went to the local Coney Island Restaurant for a weekly greek salad, chilli cheese fries and egg white omelete. Anyways, I had the weirdest observation, I guess it was the first time I was paying attention. Ok.. the observation is that I look like every other girl in my town. We all have curly brown hair, were wearing cargo cropped olive pant, t-shirts and over the shoulder across the body purses. It was kind of an Agressa (spelling) moment. This is a Weeds mini series reference - great show - check it out. Tiny boxes we all live in ticky tacky little boxes and we all do just the same. The point of this nonsense is that I was hesitant to move because of the uniqueness of my hometown. Yet, we are all the same... weird. Never noticed.

REALIZATION
I need to realize that when you are unemployed your time clock moves slower than business. I need to think about how many more people are involved around the interview on their side. It is a good lesson for me to remember when I begin recruiting again for a company. There needs to be a lot of communication touch points to avoid candidates from freaking out (like me). Realization 2 - I guess you take on the look of your town. I wonder if I move what my new look will morph into. Maybe blond, jeans and a satchel bag... haha... HAPPY EASTER

DAY 69 - DID I JINX MYSELF

I am a little superstitious to say the least. I never allow a hat to go on a bed; if a black cat crosses my path -- I go the other way... etc. etc. etc. I am always cautious not to get ahead of myself on matters in fear that they will not work out. Today, I got a call from the recruiter that our trip to PA next week was postponed. She indicated scheduling difficulties but she would let me know. Now having come from recruiting it certainly is logical to think that this company could not line up everyone on a popular vacation week (right after Easter). But of course, because I am unemployed and damaged - I go to that bad place. Was there something I did? Did they get cold feet? Did they realize I am a loser and came to their senses? See this is my internal demons playing out. Maybe I jinxed myself because I wrote about it or told too many people. Maybe I am insane and should be institutionalized now.... Well everyone keep your fingers crossed that it is merely a scheduling issue on their end and has nothing to do with me or their lack of interest.

SLEEP OVER
My daughter is 8 years old and loves the idea of sleep overs with her friend. She loves them in concept but when it comes times for execution she always backs out, gets sick or generally has a break down. I am not a big fan of them because I enjoy my sleep and I think they are a pain in the as*. When she has her friend sleep here, my daughter falls asleep early and the friend stays up late (usually I have to entertain in some manner - awkward). Then my daughter wakes up at the crack of dawn and the friend sleeps in. Either way, I get screwed having to pick up the late and early end. Not to mention the foul mood the following day. I HATE SLEEPOVERS. Last time, my daughter got violently sick while the friend was over in the middle of the night. I had to put her in a different room so we would not wake up the friend and it was a nightmare. Let's wish for better luck. I love being a mom but this is not a task that I willingly signed up for.

DAY 69
I suppose by the number of this day - I should be having fun (a little dirty humor). But I find myself so frusterated that it has been several months since I worked. I am trying to fill the hole and keep myself busy but honestly I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so bad for me that I have been indulging in massages, pedicures, shopping and generally things that I should not be spending our rent money on... It does feel the void for about 5 minutes. At least I will be the most relaxed and best dressed bum around.

Realization
When I recruited, I remember the candidates being anxious and the company trying to speed the interview process along. We too rescheduled candidates and dragged the process out. I have to put my faith in this company that they are operating without a Recruiting Director and this may have some bumps. Realization 2 - Alcohol is good for sleepovers for me. I can let the girls have a free for all and I can go pass out in my bedroom. Dad is home.

DAY 68 - LOOKING AT HOUSES

OK.. as I am getting my arms around the thought of potentially moving out of Michigan, what better activity then to check out real estate and figure out if this is really feasible or not. The problem is that I am not exactly sure where we are supposed to live. I got some advice from a man who heads up the Jewish Federation in PA. He was really nice and told us that we would probably be happy in a particular area. I thought to myself ... this is great to pinpoint the right community. However, when I spoke to the relocation manager for the company and told her about the area, she said "oh that is where some of the executives live - it is a very nice area." This gal maybe someone who reports to me in the future and all of sudden I felt like I was a snob. I mean, I am happy that I am moving up in the organization but I certainly don't think of myself as an executive. It also made me nervous about the house prices and if I locked myself into something that I cannot afford. I quickly backtracked and told her that I received this recommendation from someone that I spoke with during a 15 minute conversation and was happy to take her thoughts too. I hope I saved my image on this one.

I quickly went to a real estate website to look up some properties in this area. Yep, a little pricey but luckily found a few houses in our price range. But then I thought, who wants to live in the wannabe neighborhood... I guess I have to check it out when we get out there next week.

EASTER TRIP

Yes, we are going to be on the road to Pennsylvania on Easter. This is the final trip and look see around the area. I am fairly certain that I will get an offer but then again who knows. Every time I think I am done with the interview, there are more steps. Now I know I added this step because I could not possibly accept an offer if my family has not seen the area. The Relocation Manager mentioned that I would be interviewing with another slate of people on Monday and then hanging out with a realtor on Tuesday.

This means that I have to wear the suit. If you recall, I had this great suit that I guess I gave to the Salvation Army. I then went and bought a replacement suit and had it altered on the spot. I ended up not wearing it because I felt kind of like a she man in it. I then bought another suit (which is so cute) that I have already worn to my last all day interview with the company. So today I tried on the she man suit and actually thought it looked OK. Now I can't figure out if the suit is actually flattering and I imagined the whole man thing. At this point I am slated to wear it. I hope I don't change my mind because I won't have any options so it better stay cute!!

Realization
Getting a series of recommendations from various people will most likely get us to the best area for our family. I suppose it is an unfair questions to the Jewish Federation guy since he has know idea how much I can spend on a home. Realization 2 - I should embrace the fact that I am actually motivated to wear this suit. It was nice in the store so I am sure it is fine for the interview.

DAY 67 - WHERE AM I REALLY?

As you know through my blog posts, I have been interviewing at a candy company out of state. And as hard as I tried not to like it.. I am really warming up to this opportunity.
I am actually getting excited about the future ... of course if it works out.

My executive recruiter has been pretty cryptic about where I am in this process. I was not sure if I was the only one or everyone proceeded ahead.. it was kind of confusing. Yesterday, she communicated that I was the final candidate and that the last interview would be with the VP, Human Resources.

I was excited to talk to the HR VP as I like to know if there is a competent person in the role. I was told that this interview was a formality but the VP had a recruiting background. It was reassuring to know that the team thought I was the best fit, but it is kind of nerve racking that I could potentially embarrass myself by bombing this discussion.

So to avoid that situation, I over prepared for our interview. I had my resume, my skill sheet, the success stories etc... I was ready to impress. It was refreshing when she called and said that she wanted to answer my questions and concerns. We had a nice talk and we clicked. It was so easy and comfortable... wow I can't believe it.

Realization
If you were to ask me which position I would end up going for - I would never have imagined that I would be seriously considering a move and going to work at a candy company. I guess I don't know nothing!! There is still a few more hurdles but I think this may be the one. Stay tuned.

DAY 66 - RECOVERING FROM THE WEEKEND

Here we are again - on my favorite day - Monday. As usual, I woke up lacking motivation to get into the job search again. This time I am not panicking since I have discovered my Monday pattern or apathy and sheer lack of purpose as I embrace another week of recruiters, bad job ads, and worthless e-applications etc..

I am still recovering from my full weekend of family birthday celebrations. My husband, daughter and dog all celebrate their special day within a week of one another. Each year, we throw a weekend of parties including a family dinner and then a kid's party for my daughter. Of course, through the whole process, my daughter never seems to sleep past 7:45 a.m. even when we go to bed late which happened every evening. Needless to say, when Monday arrives and we have to wake up early, not feeling like jumping out of bed and dancing the can-can. This is the only thing that I find frustrating about parenthood, I will never be able to sleep in. It is so aggravating because I love to sleep and think I am damn good at it. But since going suburbia I never get to sleep later than 8:30 a.m. If it is not the kid, it is my husband's snoring, or the dog barking. Even when I go away, such as my interview, my room was next to a family with loud kids... aaahhh. I guess sleep is overrated

Anyways, back to the blog at hand (since I am writing about my journey of unemployment), the whole weekend consisted of people asking how the job search is going. I found myself with my canned speech about how things are going well and that I may be close on one out of state opportunity. It then occurred to me, I have been out of work a long time already and I basically am down to one potential opportunity and the rest has dried up for one reason or another. I am kind of screwed. I mean if this one does not work out - I am back to the beginning again. That would be awful, since I am a lazy job seeker.

What is also scary that I need to start worry about money a little more than I have in the past. I thought for sure I would be employed by now. I never imagined that I would commit to writing this blog for 66 days. I am starting to realize that I am going stale. I am about to go on the one day old bread rack. It is really time to get serious and get a job.

One of the philosophies I have been used is to let it work out organically. Trust fate and the powers above me to help. I think things are coming together but what happens if this strategy gets me know where... I may become a greeter at Walmart. They may not even hire me because I am not always that friendly... yikes.

OTHER GOOD THINGS

I am trying to break this pre freak train I am riding on above, so let's switch to another topic. I want to thank everyone for the positive feedback I have been getting on this blog. You often wonder if anyone is reading my ranting and raving as I diligently try to write every business day. It makes me feel great when people can relate to what I am going through... So I do hope this is helpful to others who are unemployed to make them feel at a minimum that there is a bigger lunatic out there then them. I mean I just never thought I would be out of work this long... aaah..

It is also nice to get the morale support from friends and family. My brother -in law always mentions how he is kept current on what is happening with me through the blog. Actually what really happens is that his fiancee reads it everyday (thanks C) and provides him the executive briefing - isn't that hysterical. She is such a doll and can't wait for their wedding. She puts me to shame when it comes to productive work and motivation. She has planned her entire wedding and showed me the binder this weekend. Incredible work with a real eye on the detail. I should have her coach me on how to manage an effective job search. I am sure if we compared binders - her work wins.

REALIZATION
Being unemployed really takes fortitude to go the distance. It gets so depressing and long. Before you know it, you have been without a job for 66 days. One day you can have several opportunities brewing and then next moment - you got nothing. Continuing optimism and hope is the only way to keep this moving. It does get tough!!! Realization 2 - I need to set goals and milestones that are concrete. Even though my future sister in law has a much more fun milestone than I - she has something specific and tangible and therefore is making things happen to meet that commitment. I need to adopt her mentality and set hard dates for myself with outcomes. That is the only way to obtain a great career again.

DAY 65 - PRE SCREEN

Today I had a phone screen for a Talent Development Director of a building company. I spoke with an executive recruiter who had received my resume from the hiring company. I was flattered as I was referred and they heard nice things about me. Anyways, she said that she wanted to get to know what I had done in my career. She asked me to take her through my resume and how I chose my different roles.

She asked me to start at the end and I began discussing my first role and some of my responsibilities. I think I was driving her crazy after about 1 minute. She said very nicely but abruptly -- just tell me about why you left each role. Hmmm... OK, I told her quickly about leaving each position. She thanked me and said she would pass me on to the company.

Now... she was from Korn Ferry, a fairly prominent retained search firm in which her group will receive about 30% of the starting salary of the candidate chosen. I kind of feel like she did not do her job. I mean for that amount money, don't you think she should have interviewed me a bit... This has been a common occurrence I am noticing. Now there are two types of recruiters contingent or retained search. Contingent recruiters do not have a guarantee of payment from the company so they sort of send a group of resumes and see if anything sticks with the employer. But with retained, the agency is guaranteed the search and a nice fee for the candidate hired.

I guess what I am saying is why I am I boring the recruiter within the first 30 seconds of our interview when in fact that is her job. Why is this part of the process being done poorly? How is she able to present me when she only knows why I left various companies. Whatever...

BABYFACE
Today is my pug's 17th birthday and I am really proud that he has lived this long. Babyface is actually doing great... He loves his cookies, being petted and of course sleeping a lot. He is like an old man that must nap pretty much the entire day and night. He is very sweet and has given us a lot of joy. He also poops in our house a lot too which is a source of much aggravation. But I am not going to focus on that today. I remember the first time I met him from the pug rescue. He came running out with his tongue hanging out and started kissing me. It was love at first sight.

We had a small celebration in honor of his birthday including a hearty portion of snausages and a fun fuzzy squeaky toy. He is my boy!!

REALIZATION
There are good recruiters that are dedicated to their profession and probably are very thorough as their reputation depends on it. Others are doing it as a job and one day the lack of detail will burn them. Realization 2 - I love my puppy - even though he is an old dog - he is part of our family and we love him. May you live to 101 Babyface.

DAY 64 - ISABELLE'S COMMENTS

MY DAUGHTER
I am sitting in my daughter's room waiting for her to fall asleep and she asked me to read my last blog post to her. She felt it was important for me to mention her following comments: 1. Mommy you should call Blane and get him out of your life. You should not have to pay money for his help and 2. Mommy I think your blog is a little bland - it needs some spice or salsa.

OK... I am going to listen to her advice and get the California recruiter out of my life and also try to add some salsa to this blog... let's see how I do.

VISIONING EXERCISE
I am not sure if anyone else does this but for every job that I interview for, I imagine going to work for them. Now I don't mean like big picture but a real day. It is the same for each company. I wake up early, go for a run, put on a cute suit (always with a briefcase - which usually never happens in real life), drive to work and then go to my new office and work with my new colleagues. So in my mind I have gone to work for an automotive interior company, brake and steering systems company, fluid carrying system company, independent consultant, chocolate maker, home construction, medical devices etc... I am exhausted with these visions - I have almost put a full month in of imaginary work. Not to mention the fact that I should get my imaginary suit dry cleaned.

I think it is good to vision these days but it is certainly disappointing when the job does not progress. So much wasted creative thinking I go through... I just wondered if anyone else gets emotionally attached like me? I am noticing as the rejections come in, it is getting easier and the recovery is a lot faster. Maybe my imaginary engagement level to these days are easing up - I am a non committed fake employee.

HOME PROJECTS
I promised that I was going to do all this work around the house and I am disappointed to report that not much has happened. I successfully purged the home and completed a deep clean of both my bathroom and bedroom and then stopped (I was supposed to do my entire house). However, my husband and I are about to complete a creative project in our home that should have taken about a week and we are bringing it in at 2.5 weeks. That is pretty good for us. We painted and chalk/magnet board on the wall for my daughter's art. It actually looks good... hurrah..

REALIZATION
Kids always think their parents are boring and bland. I thought mine were and I am sure when my daughter has kids they will think she is too!! Realization 2 - Part of change is visioning how the new role may look and feel. A little creative role playing never hurt anyone unless you actually showed up to one of these companies really and thought you were an official employee. That has happened so I am in good shape.

DAY 63 - YOU ARE NOT MY FRIEND?

I am a person that is pretty skeptical at times and being in recruiting I don't take a lot of stock in what executive recruiters tell me usually. Even in our outplacement classes, we are told that Executive Recruiters are not the job seekers friend.

I guess I am becoming vulnerable and maybe a little lonely because I am chatting with recruiters like they are my best friend. I think I am weakened through this whole process. Anyways, the other day I received an e-mail that asked me if I wanted a top talent acquisition position with a Fortune 200 company. If I did, according to this e-mail, then I needed to send a resume and fill out this candidate sheet.

Now I am a girl that wants to do the least amount of unnecessary work plus this message was a little suspicious to me. So I sent my resume and said that I needed to know where this position was before I would fill out the sheet. I ended up getting a call from "let's call him Blane." He was this recruiter from California that talked about his approach which was different from other recruiters. He gets to know his candidates and so he can make the best placements. He proceeds to tell me that he has in's to the top fortune 500 companies .. yada yada yada. You know as I am writing this, it really has FRAUD written all over it.

He then said that he was going to forward my resume to his client at Amazon as they were looking for a Director, Talent Acquisition. I said that in return I would fill out his bio sheet. So I did and sent it in. He called me a few hours later and congratulated me for qualifying to be one of his clients. I thought this was kind of odd. He began to tell me that he spends time with his clients and provides advice etc.. I told him thanks and moved on. He also said that he would send me this monthly report he puts out to his clients. I again thanked him and was pretty much done.

I received a voice mail the next day from Blane and he said that one of his client company's had an interesting opportunity that would be right down my alley. I called him back amd have not heard from him in two days. I actually did not think anything of it until I was speaking to my former boss today who is also in this unemployment predicament. He also talked to Blane and asked me if I received his report. I said I thought I did but had not opened it up. My former boss said that this report for "members" has a fee of $200 and he received an invoice with it.

I think I got scammed. My gut told me - why would this guy want to chat with me so much? But my spirit is down and I guess my edge is not as razor sharp as it used to be. How embarrassing ... actually as I was writing this it is so obvious!!!

Realization
Most executive recruiters are loyal to the business paying their fees not the candidate. Beware of recruiters wanting to be your friend... too good to be true. Not don't get me wrong there are a lot of nice people out there .. but the legitimate ones do not have time to talk about "you" if it is not directly related to search they have in hand. How lame am I getting.... I guess all I can do is laugh and have a vodka cranberry... CHEERS

DAY 62 - CANDY ON MY MIND

OK... I still have the candy company on my mind. My gut is telling me that it could be the right fit. I had a conversation with the executive recruiter and told her that I had concerns about the community. I did not think there was much of a Jewish population there for us. The recruiter ended up hooking me up with a great guy located there who gave me the lay of the land of the Jews.... It actually sounds like there is a lot of promise. I am changing my mind ... I think I need to check it out again. Maybe it is the Promise Land???

NEW PLANS
Our daughter is off of school next week for Passover. So we are going to recreate the Exodus and go to PA and see if this is our kind of town. My vision was that next week the family would steal off to Vegas or Florida for a vacation. And then I would start my new great position in Michigan. Now it looks like the vacation is going to be Pennsylvania... yee Ha!!!

OPPORTUNITIES OPPORTUNITIES
I am definitely in the right profession as the phone is ringing off the hook with Talent Acquisition opportunities. It is hard to know if I should cut off the calls and just wait or if I should continue to pursue everything. I feel a little sleezy to be honest. But I know as they come at me, many just evaporate. The recruiters all want me to keep them up to date and they all act as if they are my friends - even though I know they are not. It is a weird place to be in. Don't get me wrong but this is getting comical. I am getting confused with who is who. It is hard to be the wanted woman.... at least today I feel this way. Yesterday, you had to scrap me off the floor from depression. I think I may be bi-polar.

REALIZATION
I need to follow my gut instincts and involve the family in the decision. Sometimes the blinders are on and they can see the truth. If they are not happy - either will I be. Realization 2 - I should continue to date until someone makes me an honest woman or in non symbolic terms - their employee.

Day 61 - MONDAY BLUES

I am starting to see that Monday's are not the best day for me. Here is the third Monday that I am having a hard time getting moving. I have the best intentions about my productivity but sleep seems to win out. It is just so hard to spring up and tackle another week. This tends to only stick around on Monday's if my pattern stays true.

I have been a girl that has followed my gut instincts and therefore decisions have been relatively simple for me. I usually make them and then move on... figuring that if it was not totally the right conclusion, I can nip and tweak a bit later.

I am finding that Michigan opportunities seem to be drying up a bit. I start out really optimistic and the interviews go well but the offers never go the distance. It is almost like fate is telling me to move. Now all hope is not gone but my pretty little package of offers coming in and me choosing is turning out to be a fantasy.. thus the reason why motivation is low on Monday. Plus I feel like on ass thinking this is all going to work out according to my plan. See I am kind of a control freak and I don't like when I can't determine the outcome. As I am writing this blog... I think I am sounding a little cuckoo... But this is what this blog is for correct? I am exploring my feelings and this journey.

CANDYLAND
I really liked the candy company and apparently they did too. However,the location did not seem like it would work for my family. I wish I could relocate this opportunity to Michigan because the people that I could potentially work with are fantastic. So goes it .. sucky prospects here and sucky locations there.

REALIZATION
Even though I am so lucky to have any activity what so ever, this process is tough on me. My core is being challenged as I have to really weigh the pros and cons and make tough decisions. The timing is not working out as I hope so I need to rely on blind faith that I am doing the right thing. Realization Two - This blog is therapeutic so I need to be honest about the good days and bad.

Day 60 - GPS HELL

Everyone who knows me can tell you that I do have one major flaw and that is directions, geography and knowing where I am going. Therefore, with the invention of GPS in the car - it has been a miracle for me to actually make it to places on time using the least amount of miles to get there.

As I am interviewing for these roles locally my GPS is starting to frighten me. I follow it with absolutely no push back. But to get me there fast - it is taking me thru the scariest areas. I am going down back streets that have "CAR JACK ME STAMPED ON MY LICENSE PLATE." At first I disregarded this pattern on my first interview but this is like the fourth time where I am getting to my destination through areas that look like Juarez, Mexico. Terrifying....

NEW HABIT
I remember when I was little wondering why older people never noticed things on themselves. Like a shirt not buttoned properly, a miscellaneous hair coming out their chin etc.. It bothered me because all one had to do is look in the mirror. Now I am noticing that I have developed this habit. For instance today, I went about 3 hours with mustard on my face and then I took a run only to notice my running pants were on backwards. The slide pockets were awkwardly on my tush. What the hell... This sucks especially cause I am in the midst of interviewing and I am scared of random food in my teeth, overshot lipstick bleeding off my lip or something else completely gross. I think it is an evil trick the higher being does on us to humble us down to reality. As I am writing this blog, I feel a popcorn kernel shell on my lip... aaahhhh..

LIMBO
I am back in that space of waiting and hoping someone will give me an offer. I am starting to freak. I talk to recruiters and get phone interviews but I need to land a job. I should not be complaining but I am kind of getting tired of my constant spinning habitrail wheel (hamster image) to no where. On a positive note, the weather is awesome and was out and about today loving it. HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND.

REALIZATION
Having a geographic disability puts me at risk with completely depending on my GPS. It does get me there each and every time - but safe routes needs to be built into the offering - hmmm .. maybe I am onto something. You can choose, fastest route, shortest route or safest route. Realization 2 - Getting older is an experience that knocks all sense of dignity out of you. It is time to invest in a good magnifying mirror with a light, tweezers and a portable tooth brush... fun and games.

DAY 59 - STUPID TIME

Yesterday I had an off site interview to discuss a Talent Acquisition position for a local Fortune 500 company. I was pretty excited because I had heard very good things about this organization. I did my usual research, looked at their website etc.. I came to the conclusion it was a very decentralized company with alot of small operations. I made an assumption that this company would have very basic talent development processes and practices.

I met with the hiring manager and he wanted to go through my resume and learn about me and what I had done in detail. I started from the beginning which started like 15years ago. He began to ask me super detailed questions about these events that to be honest were very foggy... I mean it was 15 years ago. OK, my memory held out alright but I was starting to feel like going through my resume would in fact take a decade.

He was very nice but I felt like we were not quite connecting. I felt my answers sounded dumb and very basic. He then began probing me on talent acquisition which is a topic I know well. His focus was top leadership and pipeline building. He kept on trying to prove that I had not hired top level employees. I just was not sure what he was getting at. I mean it was like a bad blind date except I think he was into me. So I am answering the questions and clearly not as sophisticated or intellectual as him and I am feeling like an idiot. I am trying to get out of this with some dignity and actually I was starving so I would not have minded leaving either. Here I felt I was bombing and he kept on smiling like we were on the same page.

He then started to describe the talent philosophy at the company. Now I am a person who I think is strategic but I could not follow or understand his concepts. I tried and I tried but had no idea what he was talking about. It was the first time I really was stumped. I felt like a total idiot!!!

We came to the end of the interview and I gave him an out. I said that it was apparent that my experiences and previous company's were not as advanced as this organization. I wished him luck with building his organization and blah blah blah. He then said, he had to interview 5 more people and he wanted me to keep in touch with him about my status over the next week. He kept on stressing to let him know any employment move I made... like he was actually interested in me... I thought he was just trying to be polite but he kept on emphasizing this fact... weird....

I walked away from this interview feeling like I went to Vo-Tech. I felt horrible about myself and my intellectual capacity. Yet I was so confused as I think he liked me for the company.... nananana (twilight zone song)

REALIZATION
Maybe this guy just in fact does not make any sense and I should not take it personal. It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Realization 2 - I am sick of interviewing and telling my story --- it is so boring already - I hope I am off the market soon it is wearing me down. I never want to talk about me again!!! or at least to the next interview...

DAY 58 - DOES MY BUTT LOOK FAT?

TUESDAY SWEEP
I had a full day of interviews with the chocolate company. I enjoyed meeting everyone and am more intrigued with the opportunity in front of me. The only issue I have - besides uprooting my family (if they even offer); losing a ton of money on the house and having to fly commuter type planes if I want to go anywhere to get out of the state - oh right back to my only issue. My only issue is that there is candy everywhere. Not sample sizes but full blown candy from chocolate, peanut butter, licorice - you name it they have it. I am frightened as I have a hard time turning down candy. My approach over the last year has been keeping it out of the house, office (when I had one) and general 5 mile radius. I am kind of the cold turkey candy girl.

I figure you get sick of it after awhile, but I notice everyone is eating the candy too. The receptionist is filling up the bowls. I ask the interview team and there are varying answers like it is no big deal. I feel like I am an alcoholic about to work in a bar. I really need to figure this one out.

All I can say is that this company rocks and as hard as I tried not to like it - I could not. I think I would enjoy working here - I am so torn and confused. Now I am just obsessing if they like me or not as I learned two other people are also interviewing for the position. I am glad I found this piece of news after the fact.

Realization Iam sure if the universe wants me to have this job - I will be able to figure out the candy challenge. I may gain a few pounds in the process - but I will get it together by working out at their convenient gym on campus - This guy thought of everything!!!