DAY 69 - DID I JINX MYSELF

I am a little superstitious to say the least. I never allow a hat to go on a bed; if a black cat crosses my path -- I go the other way... etc. etc. etc. I am always cautious not to get ahead of myself on matters in fear that they will not work out. Today, I got a call from the recruiter that our trip to PA next week was postponed. She indicated scheduling difficulties but she would let me know. Now having come from recruiting it certainly is logical to think that this company could not line up everyone on a popular vacation week (right after Easter). But of course, because I am unemployed and damaged - I go to that bad place. Was there something I did? Did they get cold feet? Did they realize I am a loser and came to their senses? See this is my internal demons playing out. Maybe I jinxed myself because I wrote about it or told too many people. Maybe I am insane and should be institutionalized now.... Well everyone keep your fingers crossed that it is merely a scheduling issue on their end and has nothing to do with me or their lack of interest.

SLEEP OVER
My daughter is 8 years old and loves the idea of sleep overs with her friend. She loves them in concept but when it comes times for execution she always backs out, gets sick or generally has a break down. I am not a big fan of them because I enjoy my sleep and I think they are a pain in the as*. When she has her friend sleep here, my daughter falls asleep early and the friend stays up late (usually I have to entertain in some manner - awkward). Then my daughter wakes up at the crack of dawn and the friend sleeps in. Either way, I get screwed having to pick up the late and early end. Not to mention the foul mood the following day. I HATE SLEEPOVERS. Last time, my daughter got violently sick while the friend was over in the middle of the night. I had to put her in a different room so we would not wake up the friend and it was a nightmare. Let's wish for better luck. I love being a mom but this is not a task that I willingly signed up for.

DAY 69
I suppose by the number of this day - I should be having fun (a little dirty humor). But I find myself so frusterated that it has been several months since I worked. I am trying to fill the hole and keep myself busy but honestly I don't know what to do with myself. I feel so bad for me that I have been indulging in massages, pedicures, shopping and generally things that I should not be spending our rent money on... It does feel the void for about 5 minutes. At least I will be the most relaxed and best dressed bum around.

Realization
When I recruited, I remember the candidates being anxious and the company trying to speed the interview process along. We too rescheduled candidates and dragged the process out. I have to put my faith in this company that they are operating without a Recruiting Director and this may have some bumps. Realization 2 - Alcohol is good for sleepovers for me. I can let the girls have a free for all and I can go pass out in my bedroom. Dad is home.