Day 41 - Heloise that's me

MY OFFICE

As I have been home, I am starting to notice that my house is surface clean but not really clean. For the last three weeks, every morning I am noticing a few dead ants on the floor. I also catch a few live ones here and there. I have this vision that there is a village of ants living in a corner of the house that I have not bothered to clean in a few years - Yikes. I believe the dead ones in the middle of the floor were the warriors that dared to venture out and take a risk. This image has consumed me so "conveniently" I have decided to go on the deep clean this week.

Now I was a Psychology major and I know exactly what I am doing --- that is avoiding finding a position. The thing is - it is so boring surfing the web for open positions. Noone ever replies to these submitals. Also, talking to people about finding a job is an equal drag. This element of not having control is manifesting this week into the DEEP CLEAN.

I started in my master bathroom. I turned on the dance pulsing music with hard pounding and went at years of scum. I washed the walls, cleaned the medicine cabinet, wiped the blinds, scrubbed the drawers and cabinets etc... It was so invigorating and also disgusting. When I go to a hotel, I get so grossed out with anything that looks like dirt and yet I live within it. It is funny how you don't notice things when they are right in front of your face.

Back to the psychology of this matter. I am clearly using cleaning as a way to control a situation and finish a project. I am hanging in limbo on three positions and there is nothing I can do to move them until next week... so I clean... I am so obvious - case book example of Psychology 101

REALIZATION<
I am sure I will get sick of cleaning in a day or two and will be back into the job search. Also, if I have to sell the house - at least it is clean. I can twist this into a proactive job search move. Realization - we all need to feel proud of our accomplishments and if it means to clean then so be it!!