Day 27 - Exploring

Today was my big exploration meeting and I wanted the day to go smoothly. First, I went for a long treadmill run while listening to inspirational kick ass and you shall overcome music trying to get myself in the mode of positive thinking. It was actually a pretty good run. Then, I had a high protein brunch to ensure I would have energy and mental crispness at the interview.

I took my shower and decided for a wardrobe change. My new suit looked good but I could not seem to find the right top to go underneath it. Either I was rocking the priest look, or the washed out look or the she man feeling, it was not working for me. I felt guilty after all the trauma and time that was involved with the suit, but I was not feeling it. It is important to feel confident in your appearance so I quickly changed to a nice dress and sweater and felt better.

I then sat with my husband and asked him for continuous affirmations of my worth. I would say "I am smart - aren't I? " "I am employable - right?" I give him a lot of credit since I get in these moods and he just feeds my ego and builds my confidence to send me on my way.

THE MEETING/INTERVIEW

Everything seemed to moving well and I met with three HR leaders and the Executive Vice President. Everyone was very nice and asked probing questions and shared their views on the business. The only problem is that we all were at a loss of what I was interviewing for since there was not a defined position. I tried to sell my flexibility, capacity for work blah blah blah... I walked away feeling like I did as well as I could do but it was unclear if the next step would actually turn into an employment offer.

I called my husband on the way home and talked about my disappointment that this opportunity may not in fact turn into the great Director role I had hoped for. He then listened to the story and told me that I was being irrational. He talked me off the ledge of hopelessness.

It is weird how you can go from such a high - knowing I had this great exploratory interview to such lows of postpartum depression. It is like I was so excited about the event that I did not think of the outcome. All in all, I think I performed as well as possible but feel completely lost about the future of this opportunity.

MY SUNSHINE
I came home and felt sort of null and void. Thank goodness for my daughter, who is my ray of sunshine. She cheered me up by turning on music and entertaining me with her dancing such as a bad rendition of the running man, a fast pace rock and a little Bolshevik kick thing.

REALIZATION - As long as you are prepared and present yourself the best you can, the rest of the decision falls into the company hiring - it is out of your control. Realization 2 - I am the luckiest girl in the world cause I have a great family and a cute daughter that is funny, positive and what really matters in life.